Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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