addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
