hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my being single is dangerous.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
