And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
