I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
