Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
