I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why do cheetos always look like penises
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Houston, we have a squirter
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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