I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
