woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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