Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize