he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
