Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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