Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize