Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
