the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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