He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This is classic penis vs brain.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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