Your tits are I can't wait for
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
