Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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