Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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