My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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