the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
