I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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