My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
