I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
