And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
