the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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