if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
