I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
