I skipped work to stalk him.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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