So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
