She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
