on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
