I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
