They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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