Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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