Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
