ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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