I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
