Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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