That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
