They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
