So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
operation harelip BJ is a go
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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