just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
