I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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