I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
where am i from again
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Alive.
So much puke
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
