We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
