we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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