worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize