you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
