I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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