The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
