This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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