He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
