My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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