Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize