I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
