a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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