if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
