Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
