I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
