Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
