Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
