he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
birth control should be required to get into college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
