This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
