I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
