Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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