I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
