I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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