Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
