Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
