what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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