Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i don't like sucking hair
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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