I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
