New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
