he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
