I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize