THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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