The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize