Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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