Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
