how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
