she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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