I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
