You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
