This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
