Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
