The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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