Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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