I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
