so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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