My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
