guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dear god my vagina.
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