Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
