I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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